Does online dating really work?

Alright. I saved one of the biggest questions of online dating for my last post. Does it really work? Can you really form a love connection with someone because you scanned their profile and then chatted online for a while? The answer would seem to be yes. The fact of the matter is that online dating can easily be as successful, if not more successful than traditional dating. There are more fish, and more easily accessible fish it would seem, in the online pool. It turns out that plenty of people that use online dating sites are even ending up getting married. Now, I wasn't really able to find any research on whether the divorce rates of couples who met online were higher or lower than those who met other ways, but I would imagine the rates would be at least roughly the same. I think most of the stigma surrounding online dating has to do with extreme cases of people lying about their identities and also with people not wanting to be seen as a "desperate singleton". Now, I definitely got some messages from some weirdos on my profile, but there were also guys who seemed genuine and actually just interested in getting to know some people. I think there probably would have been even more of those guys had I been actively seeking out other users or even using a site that cost money.

Can genes determine your love match?

There is apparently an online dating website in the works that uses blood samples of its' users to make compatible matches. The theory is that people are attracted to others with immune systems most opposite of their own. There was a study done where women were asked to smell the worn t-shirts of several anonymous guys and rate them on attractiveness. It was found that women were most attracted to the scent of the men with immune systems most different from theirs. This could be because we are wired to reproduce with people that will produce an offspring with the most diverse immune system, thus making it immune to more diseases. To me, this sounds a little far fetched. I mean sure, maybe biologically they will be the most compatible, but that has absolutely nothing to do with how compatible their personalities will be. I do think that this would be a great method to use with people looking for egg or sperm donors. I really don't think that true love can be boiled down to a science. What do you think?

Does love have a price?

I've been doing some more research on online dating and it's surprising to me how much money people are willing to put in to it. In 2007 the online dating industry took in something like 900 million dollars. That's a lot of cash. I suppose people are willing to shell out big bucks if they think they're going to find their soul-mates as a result of it. But there's a rising market of free dating websites that are making online dating even more accessible. The biggest problem with these is that there are more people on the well established dating sites that people pay to use, so you are more likely to find a compatible match simply because of sheer numbers. However, as the free sites begin to rise in popularity, some theorists are saying that online dating sites that charge may become extinct altogether. What do you think? How much would you pay if you thought it could mean meeting your true love?

Really? Really!?

So, following up on my post about people lying online, I have now experienced this firsthand. Yes, I know, I know. I lied on my own online dating profile. But that was for the purpose of research!! I highly doubt that any of these guys messaging me are doing this online dating thing for research, but hey, you never know. Who am I to judge? Anyways, the point of this blog post is to inform you all about a little fiasco that occurred the other day. It went a little something like this:

Big Lying Liar Face: Hey! How's it going? You look really cool, and you're definitely cute. I see that you like True Blood! Me too! We should get together and watch sometime.

Me: Oh, yeah, maybe. That's cool that you like True Blood. Who's your favorite character?

Big Lying Liar Face: Oh, I really like Sam because I think it's super cool that he's a werewolf. That would be so cool.

Me *in my head, since I did not message him again*: NO. YOU LIE. You know how I know? Because Sam is NOT A WEREWOLF.

So, the studies don't lie. People are big. lying. liar faces.

Scratching the Surface

Alright, I'm a few weeks in to this online dating thing and I've gotten quite a few messages on my fabricated profile already. The interesting pattern I've noticed is that nearly every guy that has messaged me has sent a message that goes something along the lines of this: "Hey, you're really cute! Would love if you messaged me back!" Which is a perfectly respectable message on the surface. A bit boring, very generic, but perfectly acceptable. Until I really think about the fact that out of the maybe fifteen guys who have messaged me, only one or two mentioned anything about my interests from my profile or asked a question not involving my appearance. Sure, flattering a girl is a sure way to win her over, so it is a good move on their part, but if they're really looking for a relationship shouldn't they put SOME stock in the girl's personality? Even from the first message?

 Maybe I'm being idealistic here, but I know that if I were looking for a potential relationship online, I would definitely be checking out their personal information as well as their pictures. Physical attraction is important, but compatible personalities are what's going to make it last. So, this has basically left me wondering if online dating settings work on a much shallower level than traditional dating? Or do we work on that same shallow level in the real world? A person's first impression of you is your appearance, after all. Do we gravitate to those we find physically attractive and THEN take the time to figure out their personality? Or do we gravitate towards those with compatible personalities and then find them more and more attractive over time? What do you think?

I'm Not the Only One

Turns out, not entirely surprisingly, that I am not the only one using online dating services for the purpose of research. An article was published in the New York Times a few weeks ago by the title of "Love, Lies, and What They Learned". It basically talked about how online dating services have become an amazingly valuable resource for gathering statistics about dating and relationships. They had some very interesting findings indeed. Here are some of my personal favorites:

1. 81% of people lie about their height, weight, or age in their profiles. Women list themselves as about 8.5 lbs thinner on average, with men subtracting two lbs. Men round up their heights, by about a half inch on average.

Sooo basically we're all a bunch of liars. I actually said I was 20 on my profile in order to get a wider range of responses, and I really wasn't surprised by this statistic. Everyone is going to embellish their profile a little bit in order to attract more responses from other members.
2. 80% of contacts initiated by white members were to other white members, with only 3% to black members. Black members were ten times more likely to contact white members than vice versa.

What!? This was actually really surprising to me. Maybe it's because I grew up in an extremely open and accepting family or something, but it has never occurred to me to not date someone because they were of another race. It just seems outdated to me.
3. Women prefer men that are slightly overweight but wealthier and men prefer women that are slightly underweight with wealth not factoring as much.

Again, really not surprised by this one. Women traditionally want someone that can offer them financial security without as much of an emphasis on physical appearance, and men traditionally want to date someone extremely attractive. It does say something about America's ideals of beauty that men prefer underweight women, however.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/13/fashion/online-dating-as-scientific-research.html

I am the Mole.

I'm going in. I am entering completely foreign territory disguised as one of their own in the interest of critical research. That's right. I am setting up an online dating account, with the intention of sharing my experience with all you lovely people. This blog is actually part of an English class requirement as a supplement to my research paper on the effects of online dating on modern relationships. Now, I'm not going to be going on any dates or planning any meet ups with anyone who messages me (I can only sacrifice so much for research. I'm not nearly committed enough to put up with the awkward situations that would surely arise when an eighteen year old in a quasi-relationship shows up for a date and explains it was all for research.) Mostly, I'm interested in seeing what kinds of guys message me, how they respond to my profile, etc. I'm sure there will also be some creepers thrown in there for good measure...in fact, I totally hope there's some creepers. They'll make for a good story. Not like level five, stand outside my dorm window with a boom box playing "Every Breath You Take" by The Police creepers. Just level 1 weirdo messages creepers. I'm not going to be sharing anyone's actual screen names or pictures on here, so look forward to some prettttty awesome aliases. It's gonna get creative up in here. For now, I'm off to make my profile. Look forward to some inside information in the next post. I have a feeling it's gonna be good. I leave you with the creepiest love song of all time...