Scratching the Surface

Alright, I'm a few weeks in to this online dating thing and I've gotten quite a few messages on my fabricated profile already. The interesting pattern I've noticed is that nearly every guy that has messaged me has sent a message that goes something along the lines of this: "Hey, you're really cute! Would love if you messaged me back!" Which is a perfectly respectable message on the surface. A bit boring, very generic, but perfectly acceptable. Until I really think about the fact that out of the maybe fifteen guys who have messaged me, only one or two mentioned anything about my interests from my profile or asked a question not involving my appearance. Sure, flattering a girl is a sure way to win her over, so it is a good move on their part, but if they're really looking for a relationship shouldn't they put SOME stock in the girl's personality? Even from the first message?

 Maybe I'm being idealistic here, but I know that if I were looking for a potential relationship online, I would definitely be checking out their personal information as well as their pictures. Physical attraction is important, but compatible personalities are what's going to make it last. So, this has basically left me wondering if online dating settings work on a much shallower level than traditional dating? Or do we work on that same shallow level in the real world? A person's first impression of you is your appearance, after all. Do we gravitate to those we find physically attractive and THEN take the time to figure out their personality? Or do we gravitate towards those with compatible personalities and then find them more and more attractive over time? What do you think?

I'm Not the Only One

Turns out, not entirely surprisingly, that I am not the only one using online dating services for the purpose of research. An article was published in the New York Times a few weeks ago by the title of "Love, Lies, and What They Learned". It basically talked about how online dating services have become an amazingly valuable resource for gathering statistics about dating and relationships. They had some very interesting findings indeed. Here are some of my personal favorites:

1. 81% of people lie about their height, weight, or age in their profiles. Women list themselves as about 8.5 lbs thinner on average, with men subtracting two lbs. Men round up their heights, by about a half inch on average.

Sooo basically we're all a bunch of liars. I actually said I was 20 on my profile in order to get a wider range of responses, and I really wasn't surprised by this statistic. Everyone is going to embellish their profile a little bit in order to attract more responses from other members.
2. 80% of contacts initiated by white members were to other white members, with only 3% to black members. Black members were ten times more likely to contact white members than vice versa.

What!? This was actually really surprising to me. Maybe it's because I grew up in an extremely open and accepting family or something, but it has never occurred to me to not date someone because they were of another race. It just seems outdated to me.
3. Women prefer men that are slightly overweight but wealthier and men prefer women that are slightly underweight with wealth not factoring as much.

Again, really not surprised by this one. Women traditionally want someone that can offer them financial security without as much of an emphasis on physical appearance, and men traditionally want to date someone extremely attractive. It does say something about America's ideals of beauty that men prefer underweight women, however.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/13/fashion/online-dating-as-scientific-research.html

I am the Mole.

I'm going in. I am entering completely foreign territory disguised as one of their own in the interest of critical research. That's right. I am setting up an online dating account, with the intention of sharing my experience with all you lovely people. This blog is actually part of an English class requirement as a supplement to my research paper on the effects of online dating on modern relationships. Now, I'm not going to be going on any dates or planning any meet ups with anyone who messages me (I can only sacrifice so much for research. I'm not nearly committed enough to put up with the awkward situations that would surely arise when an eighteen year old in a quasi-relationship shows up for a date and explains it was all for research.) Mostly, I'm interested in seeing what kinds of guys message me, how they respond to my profile, etc. I'm sure there will also be some creepers thrown in there for good measure...in fact, I totally hope there's some creepers. They'll make for a good story. Not like level five, stand outside my dorm window with a boom box playing "Every Breath You Take" by The Police creepers. Just level 1 weirdo messages creepers. I'm not going to be sharing anyone's actual screen names or pictures on here, so look forward to some prettttty awesome aliases. It's gonna get creative up in here. For now, I'm off to make my profile. Look forward to some inside information in the next post. I have a feeling it's gonna be good. I leave you with the creepiest love song of all time...